Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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