Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
