shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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