i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The power of my boobs compel you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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