Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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