cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Operation Purity has been aborted
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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