A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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