Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
