somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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