i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
