there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
