..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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