I met the friendliest cop last night
even my farts smell like vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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