Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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