some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
