I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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