I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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