hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
