Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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