He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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