She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
