Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
