haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
