This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
