so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
