So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
