I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
