Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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