Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
