i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
