even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
