Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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