I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
