Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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