It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize