i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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