dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize