my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
