Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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