I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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