Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
