so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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