hell yes lets make some ravioli
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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