she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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