Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize