Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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