dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
