someone threw a dead crab at me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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