when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
