It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
