If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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