dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
