No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
