do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
