I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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