if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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