Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
