Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
