I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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