I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
