I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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