btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
