WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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