Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's never too late to be topless.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
