it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
