dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
