i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
