How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was like eating out sand paper
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
