His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
