i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
