He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
