Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize