well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
