i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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