you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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