Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So vagazzling was a success
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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