Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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