even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
