Your dad touched me again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
